I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
