I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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