I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
