my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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