This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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