just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
