never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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