Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
