I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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