Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
