is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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