and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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