yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
