he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
