nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
