So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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