i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
