then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
