sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
