i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
