There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
