I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
