I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
