Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
