i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
