then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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