Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
