omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
