Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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