he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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