gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
