All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
