Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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