he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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