it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
