i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
