I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
