nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
