She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
