i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
