So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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