I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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