I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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