his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
