When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're a waste of cheezeits
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
