Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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