Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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