Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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