So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
