dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
