i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
