They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
