Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
