He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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