I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
