i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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