and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
