my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
